I guess he's not as over it as I thought

So, after writing a nice long post about how I was trying to nurse Nate until he was a year old, it seemed as though he was done on Thursday night. We were down to nursing only at night (we started him on cow's milk last week so he gets a bottle in the morning and then sippy cups of milk at lunch and dinner) and it was taking him longer and longer to even get any milk, so Friday night I just didn't nurse him.

He didn't seem to notice.

I was a little sad. I like the breastfeeding snuggly moments. But I was okay with it. I had made it through the really difficult first few weeks while mom and baby are getting used to it. I had made it past the freak-out where I thought he wasn't getting enough. I made it past the painful blocked milk ducts (no mastitis, thank goodness) and the engorged breasts when Nate decided to sleep 8 hours straight one night, but only 4 hours the next but 9 the next but 3 after that, etc. Made it through going back to work and pumping 3 times a day ... then twice a day ... then once .. then suddenly none. So we did well.

Then Sunday morning I made him a bottle and sat in the glider in his room like normal. He drank his bottle and then we were playing in the chair like we do. Pointing at the animals. Giving kisses (or his new biting my nose thing). I was wearing my fuzzy robe and we were playing peek-a-boo (he like covering his face with anything: blankets, stuffed animals, the shower curtain in the bath, a book, a shopping back) and suddenly he saw the old familiar milk source. He immediately laid on his side in nursing position and latched on. Well okay. It had only been a couple days and apparently my milk is not totally gone yet. He was all happy and actually nursed longer than he had all the past couple weeks of just nursing at night.

So I guess I'm not the only one who will miss the breastfeeding.

Got milk?

Let's talk about breastfeeding.

Seems like an ongoing theme from new mothers is how surprised they were that breastfeeding was so difficult. Now, I didn't have a hugely difficult time with breastfeeding. Yeah, I had some cracked nipples and minor latching issues, but really Nate was pretty good about it. But then the pediatrician said he wasn't gaining enough. (I think she overreacted, but whatever). So I freaked out. I felt like I wasn't good enough and I cried and cried because he wasn't eating enough and wasn't getting enough food (when probably he just pooped right before she weighed him). So we supplemented a little with formula. And then he was fine. And then we stopped supplementing with formula. And he was fine. And occasionally he'd get some formula and I was fine with it. The whole ordeal made me realize that there is so much pressure put on mothers these days to breastfeed. But there is nothing wrong with formula. Some women choose not to breastfeed, and that's fine! La Leche League is a little militant sometimes.

I think I gave poor Jen a hard time a bit as I came to terms. Now Nate gets most of his "milk" each day from formula. I think (I hope) I'll be much more easy going with the next one. There's definitely a period when the milk supply is ramping up and figuring out what is needed, but once breastfeeding is established, a bottle of formula here or there isn't going to ruin it. (At least not for me, there are women who do have supply issues, but I was not one, so I'm just speaking from personal experience).

My mom nursed me until 13 months and my brother until 10 or 11, so 13 has kind of been my goal. I decided that I should make myself smaller goals after I started back at work and realized that pumping was a pain in the butt. So my first goal was to pump and nurse until 6 months. Did it, okay. Then my next goal was to continue pumping the same number of times he had a bottle during the day while I was at work (twice) until after our summer vacation and then go down to 1. He was 9 months old at that point. Coincidentally, at the same time I decided to go down to 1 pumping a day, Nate went down to one feeding during the day. Cool. Next goal, 11 months until I stopped pumping at all during the day at work, so that I was just nursing morning and night. Coincidentally, Nate sometimes skips his daytime bottle and has more at the other feedings. So, now I'm just playing it by ear.

I do love the breastfeeding as a snuggly part of my day. Since I work during the week, I don't get a lot of alone time with him, so the nursing is some nice mom and Nate time. But. I think I'm ready to stop. I'm letting it happen at its own pace.