I'm shy. Why are you laughing?

You may have seen an article posted on social media in the last couple of weeks entitled 23 Signs You're Secretly and Introvert. A lot of people were commenting with things like, "yup, totally describes me to a T," "all 23 are spot on," etc.  Since I was in elementary school I probably would have described myself as shy or introverted, and it was no surprise in 8th grade when we did the Myers-Briggs test that I was an "I." (I don't remember what the rest was then.)

However, as time as gone on I've gotten more comfortable being more extroverted about some things and I imagine people at work would not use "shy" or "introverted" as one of the first adjectives to describe me. I still expected that, like many of my Facebook friends, I, too, would be recognizing myself in all of the "secret" signs I was an introvert.

Well then color me surprised. I only agreed with about half of the statements. I shouldn't have been so surprised. Last April I took part in a workshop at work that ended with all of us standing in one long line with blindfolds on. The facilitator read statements and we were supposed to step either right or left depending on whether we agreed with the statements or not.  At the end it was revealed that the different directions corresponded to either introvert or extrovert.  I was a lot closer to the center (on the introvert side) than I might have expected.

So I'm not necessarily secretly an extrovert, but I guess I should probably stop considering myself to be as shy and introverted as I used to.

Superstitious pigeons ... and parents

After Nate was born 4 years ago, a coworker of mine came to visit when he was around a month or so old.  I must have told him something like "he slept n hours last night and during the day we had done XY and Z with him so we're doing XY and Z with him today so that he'll sleep n hours again!"  And he laughed and told me about Skinner's "superstitious pigeons." The pigeons were fed at regular intervals regardless of their behavior.  Nevertheless, they associated whatever they did right before the food came as having caused the food to arrive, thus becoming "superstitious" and repeating that behavior frequently in hopes that food would come. He joked that parents are the same way.

This time around I am trying not to be a superstitious parent.  But sometimes I can't avoid it.  It's tough when you want a certain behavior to repeat.  I have seen over the past week that it doesn't really matter what Jack does during the day, he's still going to sleep 6-8 hours for his first stretch.  This is a good thing.

Of course, there are certainly some things that will affect the baby.  :) When you smile and make funny faces, he will smile back.  We've also discovered that when I drink caffeine, he spits up a ton. When I don't, he barely spits up at all.  Nate was a big spit-upper so we assumed Jack was another "happy spitter." That means that the spit up is not due to reflux or colic, and they aren't in any discomfort when they spit up.  But Jack was spitting up so much that he'd actually wake himself up because he'd be soaked around his neck and his head would be in a puddle.  I was doing all the things "they" suggest -- holding him upright for 20-30 minutes after feedings, raising one end of his crib a little (this also helped with congestion when he had a cold) -- but he was still spitting up immense amounts. I was getting ready to try cutting dairy thinking maybe he was sensitive to it (though he didn't really have any of the symptoms of a dairy allergy besides the lots of spitting up).  Nothing I read online suggests that caffeine is a cause of spitting. Someone on a moms' list I read made a comment about having cut out caffeine and I decided to give it a try. It was easier than cutting out dairy.  And it seems to have worked.  No superstitious parent behavior here.  Just a happy baby who isn't spitting up constantly.

In sickness and in health ... and even for lunch.

When my dad retired, my mom, who had "retired" when my brother was born after being a stewardess with Pan Am for 14 years and always listed "homemaker" as her profession, joked that when they got married she had vowed to be with him "in sickness and in health, but not for lunch."

As long as we've known each other, Jen has had Mondays and Tuesdays off and worked Wed-Fri 5:30-midnight (leaving the house around 4:15, depending on traffic) and Saturday and Sunday mornings, generally getting home anytime between 11:30am and 3pm, depending on what's going on that day.

That means that while I'm on maternity leave, unlike many women who's spouses work full-time, I have her home during the day 5 days a week (she's not home during the day on the weekends, however). Of course, that means that 3 days per week, she's not home during dinner time, but, like I said, her schedule has always been like this. We've never had days off together except for Monday holidays and vacations.

It is SO nice to have her here during the day while we've been getting used to our new family.  We've settled into a great routine, especially with Jack usually taking a nice long nap in the middle of the day; that means we get some nice time together with Nate.

Today we had a nice lunch together and then Jen spontaneously made some rice pudding with leftover Chinese food take-out white rice.  I guess our Mondays and Tuesdays while I'm on leave is what "normal" people have on Saturdays and Sundays.

So I say yes to "in sickness and in health" ... and even for lunch.

It's a date! ... Probably ... maybe ... well, we'll see.

I am now about 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. 40 weeks is what they use to determine due date but 37 is considered full term (when the baby is developed enough to be unlikely to need any intensive care post-birth) but it's not unusual to go past your due date by a week or even more.

So we're in a sort of limbo period.

I had a punch list of things I wanted to get done once on leave:

• go through old baby stuff in the basement and replace anything that was old (or missing) and set up the cradle in our room
• clean out the baby's room closet (which had become a storage closet)
• sort through and organize Nate's toys to get rid of gross or broken toys
• set up the play yard (AKA Pack 'n Play) somewhere downstairs to be a downstairs changing table and napping area
• get Nate a new dresser so we can convert his dresser back into a changing table
• winterize the back yard 

We have all but the last 2 and the dresser is coming tomorrow.  So then the baby can come and we'll be all set for him.  

Of course, we are also pushing our luck a bit by having scheduled a couple nights in or out coming up.  This Saturday we're having friends over for dinner.  They were supposed to come at the end of September, but that's when I found myself in the hospital for a night and then home but on bed rest for 5 days, so we rescheduled. Then on Nov. 3rd we're going over to other friends for our annual "Friendsgiving" dinner. :)

So the baby can come anytime after Nov. 4th.

Because I don't know if he's coming tomorrow or in 4 weeks, I'm hesitant to buy any more maternity clothing, even though I'm down to 4 longer-sleeved maternity tops and one has a big stain on it.  I can't even really wear my short-sleeved tops with a sweater because they're all now too short!

But really, of course, he can come any time and we're all set.  You don't need much for the first couple weeks of babies and we have all that and more.  So bring it on, baby!

Sunday night, time to go to work tomorrow ... ha ha, not this Sunday!

I am officially on maternity leave!

My co-admins, engineers and my boss managed to keep a surprise shower from me for a whole week. It made it tough for them because I can see about 10 calendars at work, so even if they made the event private, I would still be able to see it. :)  But they pulled it off and I was legitimately surprised. It was fun!

Today was Nate's birthday party and we had a lot of fun.  Curious Creatures came and did a show with 10 different animals (skunk, corn snake, boa constrictor, sugar gliders, tree frog, tortoise, chinchilla, tarantula, bearded dragon and alligator).

I made a skunk cake, on Nate's request.  It's not the most professional-looking cake in the world, but Nate liked it, and that's the important part.

Now the baby can come. Though he's not due for 4 weeks so we'll see. I have lots of things I'd like to take care of before he's born, but we have most of what we need, so it would be okay if he comes sooner.

Tomorrow Jen and I have 3 hours together when Nate's at preschool.  We may go have breakfast. :)

What I did on my summer vacation

My two-week vacation is over. It was really nice.

We went to Lubec, Maine for the first week.

View from the beach behind the house we rented.

Nate loving walking along the beach throwing rocks.

We visited the easternmost point of the U.S.

Went on a whale watch and saw whales and an eagle's nest

and seals.

We got lobsters.

Went to Canada.

Went on many hikes, including our favorite to Hamilton Cove

Where we attempted a family photo.

The second week I just stayed at home.

I pitted 3 pounds of cherries

and made a cherry pie.

We went to the beach.

I used our zucchini bounty to make a zucchini cake with a lemon glaze.

Used up the last of the cherries in some home made cherry ice cream.

Worked on several organization projects including moving Nate into his new room.

I also made crème brûlée today and a loaf of brioche bread. We actually have no eggs left for the first time since we got our chickens. :)

Um, no, it's not twins.

When people see a pregnant woman, sometimes they say silly thing. And their sense if personal space goes away. It's kind of funny. 

Thursday I was told I had a cute baby bump. This is acceptable. I am not going to complain if someone tells me I look great. 

Please don't tell me after I tell you my due date is in 4 months that I look huge and ask if I'm having twins. For one thing, I'm not huge. In November you may tell me I look huge because I probably will be. 

Also don't tell me i don't look pregnant, even if I'm 6 weeks pregnant and don't. I probably think I do.  

If you're sitting on the T and I'm standing, by all means offer me your seat. I may not take it, but I appreciate your offer. Don't start up a conversation with me, a perfect stranger, about my due date and how I look great (I know, I JUST told our that's fine....if you know me...if you don't, how do you know how I look compared to normal) and continue to sit and not offer me your seat.

And if you don't know the person who is pregnant, you probably shouldn't just grab her belly. It may stick out further than normal but that doesn't mean you can touch it without asking.

So THAT'S where my sweet tooth went

Remember when I said I had lost my sweet tooth?  Well I've found it.  It was waiting in my second trimester.  And specifically ice cream. Which is funny because normally I'm not a huge ice cream fan.  I'll eat it (who wouldn't?) but prefer brownies or cake or cookies.  And it's really really dangerous that we have a Dairy Queen with a Drive Thru about 1 minute down the road.  Or we can walk it in about 5.  Probably I should start walking it. :) Nate and I went through the DQ drive thru tonight. He was in his PJs and barefoot, I had my slippers on.  Maybe next time he and I will walk though I guess he'd at least need shoes.  I don't really feel like gaining 55 pounds again with this pregnancy and the 5-minute walk will definitely burn enough calories to compensate for the heath bar crunch blizzard I got tonight.

It would be pretty impressive to gain 55 pounds again this time since I've only gained 10 pounds so far and I'm in my 18th week.  I'd have to gain 45 pounds in 5 months!  Probably not impossible, but I'm not making that a goal.  I lost it all last time without much trouble, but I'm not going to count on that a second time.

Tomorrow we get to find out if it's a girl or a boy. As long as it cooperates.  With Nate we kept it a surprise and that was fun. But now I have boxes and boxes of boys clothes in the attic, and it would be nice to know if I can keep them all or if I should sort through for the more unisex ones and donate the rest.

I vote girl.

We'll see tomorrow.  (And I'll post a picture tomorrow. Jen's at work and I don't feel like taking an awkward mirror shot right now).

Ew, that smells gross.

Along with pregnancy can come a really useful useless superpower.  The super sense of smell!

But it doesn't seem to work for everything.  I still can't smell the litter box down in the basement when Jen claims she can.  But I can smell the disgusting deodorizer the steam cleaner used when he recently cleaned our living room couch.  And cat food! BLECH. Normally it doesn't bother me.

I don't think it's so much that my sense of smell is any better, I think it's just that scents that are usually background smells that don't make much of an impression suddenly do.

When I was pregnant with Nate, Jen once came home to find a plug-in air freshener, which had been in our living room, out in the entry way.  I may have thrown it there.

This time it's perfumey fragrances again but also the cat food.  And one night a couple weeks ago the smell of fresh bread combined with being a little hungry as I tried to fall asleep made it nearly impossible for me to actually fall asleep.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant now, so I'm hoping that the feeling sick and super sense of smell will start to diminish.  I cannot complain at all because I still haven't had to vomit and I don't feel too sick most of the time. And I've found that sparkling beverages are a pretty good cure for me.  So I'm drinking a lot of soda water. :) But it will be nice to not feel sick at all.

On another note, I finally had a totally sciatica pain-free day yesterday! I realized as I was doing my Saturday morning yoga class that the few poses that used to bug me were no longer painful! VERY exciting.  It's been nearly a year since the pain started.

Tuesday we have a 12-week ultrasound.  This baby is already more well photographed than Nate was and we still get the 18- or 20-week ultrasound as well.  That'll be the one when we find out if it's a boy or a girl, so you have to wait longer.   We've started talking about some names but aren't going to really start fighting over our favorites until we know.  It'll make it easier to settle on a few then.

Ugh, I might just throw up on you right now.

By now you may have heard (especially if you've been pregnant or had a spouse that was pregnant) that "morning" sickness is a misnomer and that icky queasy feeling can hit at any time of the day.  The severity can vary greatly from women who never feel sick at all to those who have to be hospitalized to get IV fluids because they can't keep anything down.  I feel very lucky I'm somewhere in between.

I have not yet had to vomit.  Through either of my previous pregnancies.  Sometimes I wonder if I'd feel better if I did though.  I am generally totally fine in the morning.  I might be a little hungrier than normal when I wake up, but I grab a banana before I go to work and have a bigger breakfast at work. And I'm usually totally fine after that.  It's after lunch that I don't usually feel so hot.  Queasy. ALL AFTERNOON.  Actually, the last few days I've been okay in the afternoon but then feel really queasy after dinner.

I just asked a friend at work who I knew had vomited a bit while in her first trimester if it made her feel better. She said it did but then she had a really narrow window in which to eat something immediately afterwards. She got a little reprieve for a short period of time.

I just felt really sick.  I was thinking about heading up to bed (because in the morning I'll feel fine) but then I was also a little hungry and decided to make scrambled eggs.  They were delicious. And now I feel better.

I think I feel a little sicker this time around.  Should we do a pool for whether people think it's a girl or a boy before we get the big ultrasound when we'll find out?  The old wives' tale is that if your symptoms are the same, you'll have the same as the last one, if they're different, it's the opposite sex. Now, I've heard stories disproving that, but so far I'm a little sicker.  Supposedly if you're real sick it's more likely to be a girl.  Again, old wives' tale.  We're going with it's a girl because I'm feeling a little sicker. :)

I have a confession to make...

I'm pregnant!

I know, I know! About two years ago I promised transparency around our IUIs and everything. But we did 6 cycles over 8 months and it didn't work. And you know what? It was kind of annoying. :) Sorry, but it was! If I didn't blog about whether I got my period or not, I got IMs and Facebook messages asking if I was pregnant yet.

So we decided late last summer to give it one last go and I found a doctor close to us and we did 2 unsuccessful cycles using the same donor we used when we tried almost 2 years ago. The doctor was telling us maybe it was time to start thinking about other ways (besides IUI) of getting pregnant but I didn't really feel like going through IVF and we knew there are a lot of children out there who need families.

We were ready to go the adoption route and had even called DCF in Massachusetts to get on the list and get the ball rolling to adopt an older child but then decided to switch to a new donor and give it just one last try.

And what do you know? It worked! So now I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I know, I broke the 12-week rule.  But like I said in that original transparency post, we waited till 12 weeks and had a miscarriage at 17 1/2 weeks with our first pregnancy, so why bother waiting? I'm excited and impatient and so I want to tell everyone!

Plus, I'm having so many fun 1st trimester pregnancy symptoms that I thought it might be fun for some people to hear about it while it's going on instead of the "well when I was in my first trimester I ... blah blah blah" from someone 20 weeks pregnant.  I'll share some of those another time.  To tide you over until then, I give you:

The Top Ten Signs that Lauren is Pregnant

Her sweet tooth has totally disappeared.
She constantly says “I’m starving!” 
She makes scrambled eggs at 9pm. 
She goes to the bathroom every hour.
She eats cheese and hummus for snacks instead of yogurt raisins or MMs. 
She starts browsing maternity clothes websites constantly. 
She starts eating a ton of watermelon.
She says “no” to a glass of wine.
She cries at commercials and at E.T. even when she’s just listening to it from the kitchen as it plays in the family room.
She tells you.


It's a baby ... something ....

A few of our favorite meals

As I was making dinner tonight and looking forward to eating it because it's one of our favorite meals, I decided that maybe I'd share them here because everyone needs some delicious and easy meal ideas!  And one thing all our favorite meals have in common is that they're pretty simple and easy to make.  Cliché perhaps, but sometimes it is the simple things that are the best.

First, tonight we had Escarole, Sausage and White Bean Stew from the giant yellow Gourmet cookbook.  I found the recipe online pretty much verbatim for you here, but I have a couple comments.  First of all, the recipe tells you to make this in a 12-inch skillet, but I think that's crazy. I use a dutch oven.  Much less chance of spilling things all over the stove when I'm stirring in the head of escarole. Also, I've used both sweet or hot Italian sausage in pork or chicken format but my favorite is the Garlic and Herb chicken sausage from Whole Foods (from their butcher counter).  And while I've certainly used grated parmesan, tonight I threw in a leftover rind I had when I added the broth and let that melt in. Mmmmm.  Make sure you have some chunks of crusty bread and you have your meal! (I used French bread from our bread machine. I love my bread machine).

(image from A Chow Life)

Another absolute favorite of ours -- so favorite that I made it on Valentine's Day and have made it as an anniversary meal -- is Eating Well's Lemon-Garlic Sardine Fettucine.  We just call it sardine pasta.  I know what you're probably thinking: "Sardines? With pasta? I'm not so sure about that!" I agree! That's what I thought! I have no idea what prompted me to actually go and make it.  And then we all loved it! You can use tuna instead of sardines, but I say go for the sardines. You may be surprised. And if you like sardines already, then you're going to love this. A few comments: I've used linguine or fettucine; there's not much of a difference in the end result. The quality of the sardine definitely makes a difference.  I use Trader Joe's boneless skinless in oil. I haven't been able to find the sardines in tomato that the recipe calls for -- if you don't use a version in tomato, do not forget to add the tomato paste (the directions for that is up in the little intro blurb to the recipe). That tomato flavor is a big component.  You can leave out the parsley (sometimes I don't have any on hand) but definitely do the toasted breadcrumb. It's worth dragging out the food processor to make the fresh breadcrumb. You can add a salad for some greenery to make it a meal, but sometimes we just split the whole recipe between the two of us (and Nate eats a small portion as well -- he loves it, too!)

(Image from Eating Well)

Two more to share!  Another Eating Well recipe, French Onion Beef Tenderloin, which I make with sirloin is really really satisfying.  I don't really have any comments about this one, it's pretty straightforward.  Add some green beans and serve with extra bread to eat up the extra onions and you're done.

(Image from Eating Well)

And the last one is perfect for a quick weeknight dinner.  It's not exactly a recipe because it uses a frozen Trader Joe's product for the bulk of the meal and essentially has only three main ingredients.  Get Trader Joe's Fire-roasted Vegetables with Balsamic Butter Sauce, usually with the other frozen veggies in their freezer cases, some chicken breasts or thighs (I'd guess about a pound) and some frozen pre-cooked brown rice (or make it from scratch or use white, whatever, just eat it with rice).  Brown the chicken on both sides in a large skillet until it's cooked through and then set it aside.  Cook the veggies according to the package directions and then when it's nearly ready and everything's almost thawed, add the chicken back in (and any accumulated juices) and flip once or twice so it's coated.  When the veggies are done, you're done!  Serve over rice.

So there you have it.  Some of my family's favorite meals.

Dinner! and also gay/lesbian actors

As you may know, we bought a side of grass-fed beef from Vermont Natural Beef this year.  We ordered it in early summer and picked it up in November.  No, we didn't get a whole, unbutchered side of cow. Instead we got 3 boxes full of more than 200 pounds of frozen beef, butchered to our specifications. A good portion of this was ground hamburger, just because that's what you get from a side of beef even when you get lots of steaks and roasts.  You can only make so many meat loaves, pots of chili and hamburgers, so I'm experimenting with other recipes using ground beef that I might not have otherwise made.  Tonight we had a quite delicious shepherd's pie.

But what I am really excited about it making all the variations of these homemade hamburger helper recipes I found.

But enough about food. My brother was visiting recently and casually mentioned that he was at a vaguely popular actor's house for a party and how Neil Patrick Harris and his husband were there with their twins and how cute the vaguely popular actor and his husband and their kids are.  And I sat up and said, "Wait what? Vaguely Popular Actor is gay?" I may not be the most in-the-know person in the world. I don't read Perez Hilton or gay gossip stuff. But I do read the Advocate on occasion and do enjoy the entertainment news.  I didn't recall having seen Vaguely Popular Actor in there as an out actor.  I confirmed on the Advocate that anytime Vaguely Popular Actor is mentioned, it was just as "Name."  The Advocate always prefaces the name of a gay/lesbian actor as "out actor Name."  But apparently it's a known thing in Hollywood that Vaguely Popular Actor is gay.  And I even found some unconfirmed instances of this on some gay gossip blogs.

So what's the big deal?  I understand that people want to keep their personal lives private.  I get it. I do. And I understand that gay/lesbian actors fear being stereotyped and not having the opportunity to do as many roles.  But don't straight actors play gay all the time? They're not stereotyped as only playing straight characters. The more mainstream gay/lesbian actors that come out, the less of a big deal it would be.

I'm not saying they have to welcome cameras into their homes 24/7 and tell me about their 2-year old's cute habits and the way they don't always agree with their same-gender spouse.  Some heterosexual celebrities seem to like that type of thing but there are plenty of heterosexual actors about whose families I know very little.  Why can't a random news article say "Vaguely Popular Actor and his husband so-and-so went to such-and-such event tonight"? Or whatever. The same way it would say the same about Jessica Alba and Cash Warren.

When I was just figuring out my own sexual orientation I was very interested in knowing which actors were gay or lesbian.  Especially the female actors on whom I had crushes, of course. :) Funny enough, many of them did turn out to be gay.  It was a way to see that it was a "normal" thing and that I wan't the only one (well, I knew I wasn't the only one, I went to Vassar, but still). It could be that seeing more actors out in Hollywood might make things a little easier for teenagers who are trying to figure things out when they feel like they're the only gay person in their school/town/wherever.  That's exactly why Zachary Quinto came out. And I was really excited about that. He's an actor who has played very non-gay roles.  Well, I guess it depends what type of a Star Trek fan you are ....

It kinda goes back to that whole thing I wrote about before about how gay/lesbian people should just be a non-issue.  I have challenged my brother to make a children's show some day where one of the characters just happens to have two moms or two dads and IT'S NOT TALKED ABOUT.  It doesn't have to all have an agenda! I don't care if Vaguely Popular Actor never marches in a gay pride parade. I don't need him to be preaching about how being gay is normal or whatever. I just want to know that he's in a committed same-sex relationship, raising children together. Grr.

Those New Year's resolutions

I have never really done New Year's resolutions. Well sure, I've told myself things like "I'm going to get in shape this year" or "I'm going to eat better this year" but I never actually held myself accountable or followed through with them.

This year I have one that I intend to actually follow through on.  My goal is to start getting ready for bed by 10pm every night.  Yeah, I'm already not quite there tonight since it's 10:40pm as I start writing this, but I have actually been doing a pretty good job the last two weeks.  It's harder for me to start getting ready at 10 when Jen isn't home (she's at work until about midnight Wed-Fri) even if she's not going to bed when I am.  Part of the reason is that I always seem to be trying to get one last thing done before I go up to bed.  One last load of laundry folded, one last sink of dishes done, one last room reorganized beginning at 10:30 (yeah, one day at 10:30pm I decided it would be a good time to start reorganizing Nate's toys in the family room...)

Before we had a child I was actually much better at getting to bed around 10, Jen can vouch for me, sometimes even earlier!  And on the weekends I regularly slept past 8:30 or 9. I've always slept in a lot.  I was never an early riser.  All that changes when you have kids. :) And they don't realize they're supposed to sleep in on the weekends.  Luckily for us, (most of the time) Nate has woken up around (or even later than) 7am.  He went through a period of waking up earlier and earlier but we got a toddler clock and now we're back to normal.

In addition to causing you to wake up earlier, kids also take up more of your waking hours.  Today, for example, Nate and watched Toy Story 3 together after dinner and then read some books before bedtime.  That's time I could have spent doing laundry, or dishes, or researching new curtains online, or writing my blog. Things I now do once he's in bed for the most part -- he is definitely old enough that he doesn't need constant supervision, but he frequently wants us to spend time with him, and I am happy to do so. He's cuddly. :) Of course, he also really likes to help these days.  Yesterday he spontaneously came up to me and said "We have to do laundry, come with me." He likes helping me sort the laundry and then pouring the soap in and pushing the buttons.

So what I end up doing on nights Jen isn't here is that I do all the housework after Nate goes to bed and I try to get it all done in addition to frequently having to do an hour or so of work from home. I had regularly been going to bed after 11pm, and not infrequently enough after midnight.

I don't mind doing laundry. I don't mind folding laundry. But folding laundry takes time so I tend to put it off. And off. And off. But I still do loads of laundry. So I end up with 5 or 6 loads that I then decide I'm going to fold all at once. It takes a little while.  So in addition to getting ready for bed at 10 each night, I'm also trying to do one load of laundry per day. One load washed and one load folded (though not necessarily the same one).  I did alright on that last week.  This week my brother was visiting so I didn't really get too much done.

So now that is all going to change! 30 days to make something a habit?  I'm hoping that getting to bed at a regular time each night will help me not be tired as much during the day, give me more energy to get things done and also more patience.  When I'm tired I get snippy.  It's going to take some work. Because this doesn't mean I can slack on the stuff I need to do.  But I think I can make it happen.

I will let you know how I do.  30 days to make it a habit...

I believe in God ... sorta kinda ...

Religion is a big deal. At some point the conservatives and Christians and Republicans in our country all got mixed up with one another and (though there are certainly exceptions) it seems like a lot of the Republican values and beliefs are very tied up with Christianity.  They really want to push the boundaries of the separation of church and state thing.  I mean go ahead and be Christian. I'm glad you love God and Jesus but not everyone in the country believes the same thing you do.

I LOVE religion. Personally. I don't think that means you need to love religion, too.  Do your own thing, man. Believe what you want to believe. If you want to believe that everything the Bible said is absolute truth and the inerrant word of God, then please do. If you think that there is no such thing as God and that science explains everything, then by all means, go ahead and believe that. But don't tell me that I'm wrong or that my beliefs are wrong. In either direction. Let me come to my own conclusions and I'll let you come to yours.  Seriously. Can't we just all get along?

Granted, it's taken me a little while to get to this point.  I was raised Catholic but once I got past the stage where I just accepted what I heard. I think I was 6 when I couldn't get my mind around the concept of God.

"So God and Mary were Jesus's mom and dad."

"Yes, honey."

"So who were God's mom and dad?"

"He doesn't have any."

"So where did he come from?"

"He just always was."

That didn't make any sense to me.  I went through the motions but in middle school started reading a lot of books about Wicca and Witchcraft.  Which my mom was okay with.  I think she didn't like my brief atheist phase ("I swear to the non-existant God!") but was okay when I at least believed in something.  I think she was okay when I called myself agnostic.

I did go through my reject religion and you're wrong and I'm right phase.  But then I got over it.

In college I came up with what I thought was the really unique notion that all religions had merit and that God was just the name for all manner of different concepts that people got to in different ways (well, okay, except for atheists I guess). :) When I found out there was a whole religion (Unitarian Universalism) that basically believed what I believed, I was thrilled.

And decided I wanted to be a UU minister.  As I talked about briefly in this post, I ended up getting the (2-year) Master of Theological Studies (MTS) degree instead of the (3-year plus internship) MDiv (Master of Divinity) and sometimes regret it.  Becoming a minister has now become my retirement or win the lottery plan.  Or maybe eventually when I have more time (HA!) I can take one class per semester to finish up the requirements I'd need to get the MDiv (essentially 2-3 full-time semesters of classes).

So until then I chair the music and worship committee at my church and lead services (yup, including writing sermons) a few times per church year.

I also really like to pray.

So who am I praying to?  Well, I'm not exactly praying to God. When I pray I center myself and then think about the things that I want to pray about.  But I do believe in God. Kinda. My own definition of God changes frequently depending on what's going on in my life.  For awhile recently I flirted with Jesus, but then decided that I wasn't sure he really was the same person people say he is (after reading way too many books by Bart Ehrman) so I'm kinda in the "eh, God is in everyone and everything and probably isn't a separate being" phase.

But ask me again in 6 months, I might give you a different answer.

A successful photo shoot :)

I have a post in the works about religion but I'm too tired to finish it right now, so instead I will give you a taste of our successful photo shoot for our Christmas card.  Jen got the photo. :) It was EXACTLY what I was going for. YAY! So nice when a plan comes together.

View the entire collection of cards.

Staying Connected

On sort of the other hand from my Communication post of a few weeks ago, (which itself was related to my Disconnecting post from a few days before that), today's ease of electronic communication really does help to stay connected with people, even if it's not via voice-to-voice communication.  Being able to shoot an email to someone and know you're likely to get a quick response to something when they're available to get to it is better than trying to call them on the phone and leaving a message and playing phone tag for 3 days.  And video chat/hangouts/Skype is pretty awesome.  My brother is a big fan and it gives Nate a chance to talk to his Uncle "in person" more frequently than he would otherwise.  It also makes business trips less sad because I can still see my family and talk to them in a more personal way.

Jen and I text and IM frequently throughout the day while I'm at work or while she's at work. We even video chat on occasion. Without that option, we wouldn't be able to speak on the phone with any frequency. Since we only see each other for more than an hour at a stretch 4 days a week, digital communication is the way we stay connected.  We even make big decisions that way such as deciding that we someday want to be foster parents. We did make sure to talk about it in person later that day, but the main part of the discussion happened via instant messages.

I wonder, with all this written communication, if people are forgetting how to speak on the phone.  People who aren't comfortable making phone calls have little need to ever speak to anyone. You can make changes to flights, arrange for gutter or carpet cleaning, troubleshoot problems with your cable box and even order take-out or delivery (all things Jen or I have done recently) without ever having to speak to a person on the phone.  But then on those occasions when you DO need to make a phone call, do you hesitate or just not do it because you're uncomfortable with it?  

I don't have a problem on the phone; I have to make phone calls for my job and have, in fact, become even more comfortable with making the less enjoyable calls for personal stuff because of that.  I wasn't always as comfortable with it but when I lived by myself in grad school, there was no one else to do it.  I tend to make most of the calls in our house because it doesn't bother me.

When we first started using our current babysitter, I used to try to call her to see if she was available. That's how I got my babysitting jobs when I was a kid. I didn't have a cell phone, heck, we probably didn't even have a cordless phone. If I wasn't home, my mom or dad took a message for me or the parents left a message on our answering machine.  But our babysitter was a little slow to get back to us by calling.  So one day, I texted her. I had her cellphone after all.  IMMEDIATE response.  So now I text to arrange babysitting.  And it works VERY well.  I can't complain.  But how comfortable is she on the phone in general?

Will Nate know any phone etiquette by the time he's a teenager?  I was always very polite when I called my friends. I usually got their parents. "Hi, this is Lauren, may I please speak to so-and-so?" Nate won't even have to interact with his friends' parents on the phone because he'll be calling (or texting) his friends directly with their cellphones.  

Or maybe they'll just use the chips in their heads that we'll probably all have by then.

What's the big deal?

I officiated a wedding last week. It was a beautiful wedding for two women who plan to have a family in the future.  Jen and I never really hesitated about having a family and so far haven't experienced any issues as a same-sex married couple with a child in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I'm sure it would be different in some other parts of the country.

Up to now no one has said anything to Nate about not having a dad or any other weird comments.  He's only 3, he's not in pre-school, his almost 4-year old cousin is used to our family so doesn't think anything of it.

But I have noticed that about a year ago, when Nate was playing with toy animals that could be paired up into families, it was Mommy lion, Momma lion and Baby lion. That made sense; Nate calls me Mommy and Jen Momma.  But then he started watching television.  Caillou, Little Bear, Dino Dan, etc.  Most of the shows he watches with kids have one mom and one dad (Dino Dan seems to have just his mom and in the episodes I've seen, no mention is made of a dad and Max and Ruby don't seem to have parents...).  And slowly he started to make families with Mommy lion, Daddy lion and Baby lion.  Except for one time I noticed, he's always doing Mommy, Daddy, baby.  (That one time, he decided his 4 stuffed sheep were Mommy, Daddy, Momma and baby).

It would be nice if there were some children's cartoons where the child(ren) had two same-sex parents.  There are two very sweet (non-agenda) board books for toddlers with two moms or two dads called Mommy, Mama and Me and Daddy, Papa and Me that are sweet little books with sing-song text like "Mommy lifts me up up up, Mama puts juice in my cup" and Nate likes that one a lot.  There are a few books like that though mostly meant for older kids and teaching about different types of families.  I don't want a show or book with a lesson. I just want a show or a book where there happen to be two moms or two dads.  Why does it always have to be a big deal?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Communication

Related to my last post, it dawned on me today that I don't talk to people the way I used to. I don't mean face-to-face. I still converse and interact with physical people the same way I always have.  I mean long-distance people.

With FB and email and texting, I don't pick up the phone and talk to people the way I used to.

Geeze, in high school I was on the phone all the time.  And we only had one cordless phone! If I was on the kitchen phone, which had a very long cord, I used to drive my mom crazy by walking back and forth past the table in the breakfast room and then into the kitchen and towards the hall to the diningroom, back towards the sink and then back into the breakfast room.  On the cordless phone I used to walk in circles around the living room couches and then around the dining room table in a figure 8.  Or I'd be on the phone while doing homework.  And not always strictly conversing.  Sometimes we were independently doing homework, or sometimes we were working on something together.  Or sometimes we were gossiping or talking about the most recent high school drama. Thank goodness for call waiting!

College was a little different.  We emailed a bit but it was still somewhat new so we also talked on the (still-not-wireless) telephones.

In grad school I walked a lot around town so I talked to people on my cell phone (once I finally got one in 2003) as I was going from home to class or between classes, etc.

When I got engaged I telephoned everyone to let them know.

When I got pregnant the first time, I phoned some people and emailed the rest.

When I had a miscarriage, I emailed everyone (but received phone calls in return).

When I got pregnant the second time I emailed everyone.

When Nate was born I posted it on myspace and facebook and emailed (and called my mom and brother).

Now I kind of assume people are reading it on Facebook or Google+.

And also there's texting.

Today I wanted to talk to one of my high school friends.  Like with my voice on the phone. We've arranged a time to chat on Monday.  Remember when we used to just call people at random?  I think it's combination of becoming "adults" and parents and a combination of the new forms of communication that have developed.  I wonder if people felt like this when telegraph and telephone started to become more widely used when before it had been a letter or nothing.

Disconnecting

So a good number of my friends on Facebook have recently been leaving for one reason or another.

One woman recognized that she had connected with many people from high school and even had connected with a previously unknown relative.  However, she also found herself checking FB on her phone rather constantly and felt like those moments waiting with her daughter for her son at practice could have been better spent speaking with her daughter instead of seeing if anyone has posted any new tidbit of their life.

Another person who didn't use it frequently anyway and only posted photographs of her family decided to simply start a web album for her son and shared with all of us before she deleted her account.

And then there are a number of my coworkers who have left FB to devote all of their energy to Google+.

I understand all of those points.  I definitely find that I'm curious to see what response I've gotten to my recent status update or photo or link and that I check my phone or online sometimes when I could be spending time with my family and also find myself staying up later than necessary at night because I want to "catch up" on FB or Google+ or the blogs I read.

One time recently, I found myself scanning quickly past many of the updates in my stream just after glancing at the name and then passing by without reading the update.  So I decided to hide everyone that I didn't care to read.  I figured if I missed them, I could unhide them.  Which is exactly what I did.  It's definitely fun to reconnect with people from high school and to stay in touch with relatives and friends but do I really need 531 friends? I think the next step will be to unfriend many (not all) of the people I had previously hidden.

I really don't think I'll delete my account because I do appreciate the connection I have with people.  And I do miss reading the updates from the first woman I mentioned.  But she does have a blog, which I read when she posts updates.  I also have a blog ... um, you're reading it.  :)

Somehow, I don't yet have the same reaction to Google+.  Maybe because I have more control over exactly who I share with and it doesn't have to be the same people whose status I read. Yes, I know Facebook now has similar features but it doesn't seem intuitive.  Okay, yeah, I may possibly have a bias since I work for Google and have been using it internally for awhile now, but I think it's more that I don't feel like taking the time to to customize it when there are already too many things to do online.

I think more than just social networks the problem is not being able to disconnect.

I recently half disconnected (from work stuff) when I went on vacation for 5 days.  Today is my last day on vacation and I managed to not read my work email (or internal Google+) for 4 whole days.  It was fun. However, last year when we went up to Maine for a week, we unintentionally went off the grid when the house that had had wireless the previous year we stayed there, did not have it.  Our phones also were not an option as we were so close to the Canadian border that we were frequently roaming (and don't get reception out on Quoddy Head anyway).   We didn't like it. This past vacation in Malibu, we did have wireless in the house we rented and spent a reasonable amount of time using it.  It didn't take over family activities.

I also really enjoy the new side-effect of working at Google and having initially circled so many of my coworkers and reading their personal updates (and sharing mine) instead of just work-related things internally.  I feel like I'm getting to know my coworkers better and discovering aspects of their lives and personalities that make me want to be friends with them.  Of course, there's also the aspect of sharing my personal life with my coworkers which sometimes makes me leave them out of some of my updates. Sorry, guys. :)

I think, being online and keeping up with social networks is, as with anything, about moderation.

Maybe I just need to go back to my last job.  I had so much down time that I did all my computer stuff at work and had more free time at home. But that wouldn't be as much fun as my current job. :)