Sunday, February 6, 2011

Now what?

I know, it's been nearly 2 months since I last blogged.

Jen and I decided to take off the month of December from trying to get pregnant and things were busy. And we were busy with Christmas so although I wrote 3 or 4 blog posts in my head while falling asleep, I never quite got anything down on paper/pixels. ;) Then we decided to give the January cycle a try. I've written about the superstitions that you start to develop when you're trying to get pregnant and I decided that maybe it was time to give a try without baring everything for the Internet to see.

But I guess, ultimately, it didn't matter what I do or don't do. We did a two-insemination cycle and that didn't even make a difference. Got my period this morning.

So now what?

We've done six cycles over 8 months without getting pregnant. It doesn't mean anything is wrong. It could just mean that the timing hasn't worked out yet. Plus, as ridiculous as it may be, I am over thirty so it can take a little longer to get pregnant then and we don't have the luxury of being able to just have sex every day to try to get pregnant.

We have a few options:
1. keep trying the way we have been
2. switch donors and keep trying the way we have been
3. get a referral to a reproductive specialist and make sure everything is hunky-dory
4. enjoy our one son and get on with our lives

We are considering options 3 and 4.

If it didn't cost us anything, I'd probably do 1 or 2 for a little while longer. But every time we try, we have to pay for the vial of sperm (if you're really interested, go ahead and check out the prices for IUI specimens at a few different sperm banks) and if we do double insemination cycles, that's twice the price. Plus shipping (which runs from $110 to $225 per delivery). Thankfully my company's insurance considers same sex couples to be "infertile" and so the doctor fees are covered (donor sperm is rarely covered by any insurance) otherwise that would be an additional $250 per appointment (as it is we just pay the $10 copay).

We'll probably get the referral from my doc and go get everything checked out to make sure there's nothing funky going on. But seeing as my cycles are super regular (every 27-28 days) and that my pee turns an OPK positive (showing that I am, in fact, ovulating), it's probably just that the timing hasn't worked out yet. Since the testing will be covered by my insurance, we might as well go for it, but then regardless of those results, we may decide to just stick with our awesome only child.

The pros for that are numerous. We can save that money for other things that we'd like to do. Kids cost money (even if you don't have to pay to get pregnant). We can spend more time and money on Nate. When Jen gets a new job, we'll only have to pay for one child in daycare/preschool; only one kid to send to college down the line; Nate will be out of diapers soon so we won't have to pay for any more of those; we can keep our guest room; won't have to get up 3 or 4 times a night with a newborn ... you can go on and on with big and little pros. Cons ... well ... we won't get to go through the cute infant phase again; I won't get 4 1/2 months paid 100% off of work again; Nate would be an only child (also a pro?) ... it's tough.

My mom was pretty noncommittal, she pointed out all the same pros and cons we have already recognized. Uncle Doug thinks Nate needs a sibling. Jen and I see both sides. Nate says he wants another dog not a baby. (Today when we went for our weekly Sunday tea at Great Nana's his 9-month old cousin was pushing him -- she was really just trying to get his attention -- and he made me pick her up.) So, who knows. We're figuring things out. We'll do the doc's appointment and then we'll really need to make the decision. Right now I think I'm leaning towards enjoying a single child. :)

edited to add: Adoption is much more expensive that donor sperm. So a large part of our hesitation is cost, adoption is not a better option. We have, however, discussed being foster parents. We have talked about his even before considering not continuing to get pregnant with another biological child, so that's always going to be a possibility.

1 comment:

  1. Well, you nailed it with the pros and cons. No matter what happens there will be things to be happy about and things that you might wish were different. We went through the same process when we were trying to decide whether to have another baby or not. Either way, you guys are already awesome parents! The way I see it, as long as it's financially, physically, and emotionally OK for you guys to keep trying then keep on trying. Once it's not so OK for whatever reason, just make the decision to stop. Then go get Nate that dog:)